Parallel Kingdom Hearts
by nekoninja123
Summary: Every day is tuseday, Demyx is on Pixie Sticks, and spellin' doesn't matter!DOrganization XIII goes back to school.Just in time for Xenmas to turn emo,Xigbar and Luxord turn stupid,and Xaldin to listen to his sideburns. Summory sucks, I know, please R
1. Chapter 1 I Need a Bathroom!

Welcome to Parallel Kingdom Hearts... Were everyday is tuseday, Demyx sniffs Pixie Sticks, and spellin' dosen't matter! D

Chapter 1- I Need a Bathroom!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Kingdom Hearts characters.

Christmas time. That meant Demyx would go around asking everyone what he or she wanted. And Christmas movies. And elf can up on the screen. He looked like he was a human.

"I guess the must of switched Saix with him at birth," Yuxki laughed, not noticing that Saix was passing by. He heard the elf comment.

"WHO'S AN ELF!?"

Not good.

Saix went berserk just as Demyx came up to him.

"Saix what do you-" Demyx stared for a second before he yelled "Run, run away!" and ran down the hall.

"I know how much you use don't use your toilet, so I'll take it off your hands!" he said sarcastically. Saix went into Yuxki's room and came out with the toilet, which he threw at the T.V.

"Damn it, Saix! We were watching that!" Axel whined. The red head seemed to be the only one who wasn't fazed by Saix, or his berserk mode.

"Let's see you hold it for 18 hours now!" Saix said, with an evil smirk.

"I was going to use that!" Yuxki yelled in despair. She hadn't gone to the bathroom in 14 hours. "I HAVE TO PEE!" she screamed. She flew past Demyx, who was hiding behind Xenmas. Xenmas just raised an eyebrow. Then he noticed the toilet though the T.V. Saix must have gone berserk.

"Luxord! Bathroom!" Yuxki said, franticly.

"Where's your bathroom?" He was teasing her.

"Do you want me to piss my pants!?"

"Sure. I need a good picture of you for my Myspace."

"Diz is on there."

"I can stop time."

"…That would come in handy before I pee my pants."

"Or while you're pissin' yourself."

"Just let me use your bathroom!"

"Hm… I dunno…"

"LUXORD!"

"Alright."

Yuxki couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough. Xenmas walked down the hall.

"Is Yuxki in there?" he asked Luxord.

"Try some where else."

"I saw her run in here."

"Well I'm her boyfriend."

"That's why I'm worried."

"See needs a bathroom, and I was kidding."

"Members are suppose to use their own bathrooms"

"She doesn't have one."

Xenmas just walked away. He gave up. It was so hard dealing with all the members.

"I hope you understand." Xenmas scolded. Yuxki nodded.

"But I at least need a toilet," Yuxki said.

"I'll see if maybe you can use Demyx's," Xenmas said as he walked out of Yuxki's room.

Luxord slowly climbed out of darkness portal. "Let's hope he won't be back."

"I guess I'm gonna be usin' Demyx's bathroom," Yuxki sighed. "You're my boyfriend; he's Mansex. He would _never_ allow me to use your bathroom."

"I still need a picture of you for my Myspace," he said, kissing Yuxki.

It was the worse possible time for Xigbar to walk in. Luxord imminently pulled away. Busted.

"What were you doods doing?" he asked. Yuxki was bright red by now.

"Nothing." Luxord said innocently.

"Demyx! I hafta peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Yuxki cried as she pounded away at the door. Four straight weeks. After Saix had broken her toilet Xenmas told Yuxki that she could use Demyx's until it was fixed. The problem was they were Nobodies in The World That Never Was. People didn't come around, it was hard to get anyone to find the place, without a gummi ship and not everyone was willing to step into a blackish-purplish to do so. So it remained unfixed.

"DEMYX! Stop doing your drugs and let me use the bathroom!" Demyx opened the door. "Thanks."

"Demyx."

"Yes."

"I'm bored."

"Sniff this."  
"What is it?"

"Pixie Stick."

Sniff "…"

"So…"

"Ow! It burns!"

"It's great, isn't it?"

"Gimmie another one."

Where were they? Yuxki had gone to the bathroom and it had been a half hour and she still wasn't out. Xenmas knocked on Demyx's door. "Demyx?" Xenmas opened the door.

"M-A-N-S-E-X. Got it memorized?" Giggling.

"B-I-G-R-A-X. Have you memorized it?" More giggling.

"Axel?" Xenmas asked. Where was it coming from?

"Gimmie another pixie sticks."

Demyx and Yuxki had an annoying habit of hiding under the bed. "Demyx? Yuxki?"

"Yesssssss?" Yuxki sang.

_They were high. _

"Hiya, Mansex!" Demyx smiled.

"Come out from under there right now!" Xenmas yelled.

"Mansex sounds pissed…" Yuxki said. It was quite for a moment. Then an immense storm of giggling came.

"NOW!" Xenmas was getting mad. The two Nobodies came out from under the bed. "Where are the drugs?"

"We don't have any-" Yuxki started innocently.

"You look like you've been sniffing something," Xenmas scolded. Both members laughed out loud.

"Fine, fine! We give!" Demyx said in between laughs. Yuxki reached underneath the bed and pulled out a bag of Pixie Sticks. Half of them were gone.

"Pixie Sticks?"

"Yep."

"Did you eat these?"

"No."

"Sniff them?"

"You bettcha!" The two Nobodies burst out laughing again.

_You can get high off Pixie Sticks?_

Xenmas had given them a long lecture and then sent Yuxki out of Demyx's room.

"You okay?" Luxord asked.

"Cheese!" Yuxki said, happily.

"What are you on?"

"Ritalin!" Axel suggested.

"Nope, Pixie Sticks."

"Are you kidding?"

"Nope, Demyx got high off them, too." A stupid grin spread across Yuxki's face.

"We are the most dysfunctional family ever. Heck we're not even blood or marriage related. We're just Nobodies," Axel said.

"Mansex is an emo zebra, Xig is trigger happy, Xaldin has evil sideburns, Vexen is someone's grandpa, No one cares about Lexaeus, Zexi is short, Saix is an elf who goes berserk, Axel is a Pyro, Demyx has low self-esteem and he sniffs Pixie Sticks, Luxord like to gamble, Marxi is gay, Larxene has angry problems and Roxas still has his person –Sora- running around, and me.. What's my problem?" Yuxki asked.

"You sniff Pixie Sticks," Axel smiled.

"Yes and I sniff Pixie Sticks!" Yuxki agreed.

"I need to use the bathroom," Yuxki announced.

"Didn't you just go?" Luxord asked.

"No I was busy sniffing Pixie Sticks," Yuxki smiled. "Demyx are you still in there?"

"Yes!" Demyx replied.

"Can I use the bathroom?"

"I can't get the door open!"

"Are you high!?"

"Yes…"

"Oh… That explains a lot…" Yuxki ran off looking for a place to pee.

Mansex's Room

"Mansex!"

Who had interrupted his dairy writing? "I'm busy!" Xenmas yelled back.

"I have to use the bathroom!"

"Use Demyx's."

"He's too high to open the door!"

"I don't have time to deal with this." No answer. Xenmas sighed. He got up and opened his door. There was a yellow puddle right outside his door.

Luxord and Axel were down the hall, in Yuxki's room.

"That was great!" Axel laughed.

"I couldn't hold it anymore." Yuxki said, blushing a little.

A/N: Mansex is what some of the members call Xenmas, Xig Xigbar, Zexi Zexi, Marxi Marluxia


	2. Chapter 2 Syrup Slip N’ Slide

I'm rewriting Final Fantasy: Darkness Spread, so I hope to get that up some time soon… I hope I can keep writing good fanfics. Anyway R&R!

Also, If you haven't noticed by now, this fanfiction is XaldinxLarxene and LuxordxOC… I might make it RenoxElena, RoxasxNamine, SoraxKairi, and KadajxYuffie. If anyone had suggestions on couples, I'd love to hear them… But no yaoi or yuri. 

Chapter 2- Syrup Slip N' Slide

Disclaimer: Don't own.

"I've called this meeting because we are going back to be attending high school," Xenmas started.

Demyx raised his had. "Yes." Xenmas sighed.

"Why?" he asked. Most of the other members had the same question and began quietly talking among themselves.

"I thought getting some knowledge would be good for us," Xenmas had a feeling this would not go well.

"Were you high when you decided?" Axel asked. Some of the members began to snicker.

"Question!" Yuxki yelled.

"Yes?" Xenmas sighed.

"Do you think we're CURSED FOOLS?" Almost all the Organization laughed at Yuxki's remark.

The meeting went basically as planed, they settled down and let him finish talking and been on their merry way. Xenmas had to leave to enroll the members into the school. He had told them to 'be good'. No fraternization, no burning the fortress down and no drinking the chemicals Vexen offers you.

Axel was burning stuff in his room, which set off the fire alarms. And that made Saix go berserk, on Xaldin. When he was making out with Larxene. Which pissed Larxene off and she started throwing Kunai at Saix, but missed and hit Luxord who was making out with Yuxki on the couch. Which made Yuxki ice over the water from the fire alarm using alchemy, which caused Vexen to come out and kick everyone's as$. And yes, Vexen can totally kick as$. So most of them agreed on watching a movie. They all wanted to watch different movies. So they all went in different rooms. Saix, Axel and Lexaeus watched 'Advent Children'. Larxene and Xaldin watched a romance, as did Yuxki and Luxord, but just ended up making out. Marluxia watched 'The Notebook' and cried all the way thought it, and Xigbar watched Resident evil: Apocalypse. And he dragged Roxas and Demyx into watching it, too. And it scared them. Vexen and Zexion worked on experiments.

"…" Lexaeus was silent.

"I didn't know you liked Final Fantasy," Axel smirked.

"Yes, but I didn't get to beat the game. I threw the PS against the wall before I got the chance." Saix said.

"I know what lets do!" Axel said.

"I will take no part in it," Lexaeus said.

"Aw, come on Lex. It'll be real fun." Axel said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Axel, just what are we going to do?"

"You'll see. Go get Marluxia, Larxene, Xaldin. I'll get the other."

Saix sighed.

"Hay! You guys-" Axel winced at the sight of Luxord and Yuxki making out.

Saix had seen some pretty weird stuff, being in Organization XIII, but this took the cake. Xaldin and Larxene had their cloaks off and were making out. And Marluxia looked as of he had been crying for hours. He spotted Axel and the other members, excluding Zexion and Vexen, staring at something.

"What are you doing?" Saix asked. Axel just pointed to the source of all the staring. Luxord and Yuxki making out.

"This is your big plan? Watching people make out?" Saix sounded slightly annoyed.

'What? No… I just don't want to go over there and 'separate' them…" Axel looked slightly freaked out.

"Fine," Saix sighed. "HAY!? COULD YOU TWO GET OFF EACH OTHER LONG ENOUGH TO HELP US?!" Luxord and Yuxki had fallen off the couch, and were painfully getting up.

"YELL LOUDER! I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!" Yuxki yelled.

"Obviously not," Saix replied.

"Yes! I got pictures!" Xigbar exclaimed.

"Great. Got my pictures for Myspace," Luxord smirked.

"You are not posting that on Myspace," Yuxki said.

"Well here's the plan…" Axel said as he started explaining.

"Axel. Genius. Pure genius," Saix smirked, as Xigbar and Axel poured chocolate syrup all over the hallway.

"Done!"

"Who wants to go first?" Axel smirked.

"ME!" Yuxki yelled. She slid headfirst down the hallway, stopping at the end of the 'syrup slip n' slide'.

"Whoo!!!!!" Xigbar plowed right into her.

"Look out!" Axel yelled as Yuxki and Xigbar got out of the way.

Saix went next. Then Demyx. Even Roxas and Lexaeus tried it. It seemed the only ones who didn't try the 'syrup slip and slide' were Vexen and Zexi.

"Come on Marxi! You know you want to!" Yuxki encouraged.

"I don't want to ruin my hair,' Marluxia protested.

After a few hours they were sitting on the floor, all out of chocolate syrup.

"What now?" Axel asked.

"There has got to more syrup somewhere…" Yuxki reasoned.

"Lets look," Demyx said. They made quite a racket looking for more syrup.

"What are you doing?" Vexen asked.

"Looking for chocolate syrup," Axel answered. Vexen raised an eyebrow. Then he saw the chocolate syrup all down the hall. "Hang on." Vexen went back in his room. "Here." he handed Axel a create of chocolate syrup.

"Axel!" Yuxki. "Look what I found! Sleds!"

Axel smiled.

"WEEEEEEEE!" Yuxki sang as they flew down the stairs, now coated with chocolate syrup.

"That was great!" Yuxki laughed. They had coated the rest of the hallway and stairs in chocolate syrup and decided to sled down it.

"Lets go again!" Yuxki said.

"Yeah!" Axel agreed.

They laughed all the way to the bottom of the stairs and stopped once they saw him. Xenmas was home. The sled slid to a stop right in front of Xenmas. Xigbar and Luxord were stilling sledding down the hill. They plowed into Axel and Yuxki, who in turn plowed into Xenmas, and sending them all into a chocolaty mountain of mess.

Yuxki sighed. She had a mop and was cleaning up the syrupy mess. Along with Xigbar, Axel, and Luxord. Larxene had verbally bthslapped Xenmas and Saix almost went berserk, so they got out of it. As for the other members they had scrammed once they heard that Xenmas was home.

"Having fun?" Saix asked.

"You ditched us," Axel said, fake hurt in his voice.

"Xenmas told me to tell you that there's a meeting."

"Thanks. Now we can be even more bored then we are now."

The members dropped the clean up and walked over to the meeting.

"As you all know, we will be enrolled in 'Muy Loco' High School…"

They all stared like 'no duh'.

"Yes, well we start there tomorrow."


	3. Chapter 3 Peanut Butter and Underwear

Chapter 3- Peanut Butter and Underwear

Xenmas taught Leadership and Zebra class. Why they had a zebra class he had no idea. He had all the Organization members in his first hour, including Vexen –who was the chemistry teacher-, and Zexion –who was the math teacher-. They were his teacher's aids for Leadership. Xenmas wrote 'Mr. Xenmas' on the board. He started teaching right away.

"You may flip thought your leadership text books, if you want to get a feel for what this class will be like."

Most of the members were talking about how boring this class was going to be. He figured most of them would skip. Roxas raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"Why is chapter 13 in this book called 'Communicating Emotions and Feelings'?" Roxas asked.

"I have no idea," Xenmas suddenly felt very stupid.

"We're Organization _13_ and we don't have feelings. So chapter 13 is about communicating something we don't have."

_Ah Irony._ Xenmas thought.

"We do to have feelings. They're just not real," Demyx said.

The bell rang. Xenmas sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.

"How are you holding up?" There was a man standing in the doorway. He had a long sword and sliver hair. He had a wing coming out of his behind.

"Yes, I'm fine. I know all of my students," Xenmas smiled.

"So they won't give you much trouble."

"No, that's not the case. They don't respect me very much…"

"Just do what I do."

"What?"

"Show them the sword and tell them you'll beat them with one of these wings if they don't behave."

"They come off?" Xenmas looked shocked.

"No, but I tell my students they do."

"How is this school?"

"Insane. 'Muy Loco' translates to 'very crazy'."

"My students will fit right in."

Sephiroth laughed. "Don't we all?"

Suddenly Happy, peppy music bleared from the speakers.

"You've got to be kidding!" Yuxki yelled with a look of disbelief and torture as the speakers blared the happy, upbeat music.

"Do we like peanut butter?!" A child like voice chimed over the loud speaker in a musical rhythm.

"Yes, we like peanut butter!" A chorus of kids sang back.

A feminine voice came over the loud speaker as the music blared. "We will be playing this song until the School Board raises five hundred dollars for the 'help the children fund'. That is all." There was a click as the voice stopped.

"We like peanut butter. Oh yes we like peanut butter!" The child-like chorus changed.

"Do we like on our underwear!?"

"Yes, we like it on our underwear!"

"'Help the Children Fund? Help the Children Fund!?' WE'RE CHILDREN AND WE NEED HELP!" Yuxki screamed referring to the awful, annoying music.

"They're more sadist than me," Larxene smirked.

Yuxki sighed. This was insane. Second hour. English. Wonderful. She walked into the class the teacher was asleep on his desk. He woke up, just as the 'peanut butter' song was starting over. 'My name is Mr. Diz.' He smiled. His smile was creepy.

It took forever for lunchtime to role around. Spanish was third hour. She seemed to be the only sane person left. "This is child abuse!" Yuxki yelled as she got out of forth hour. The class discussion had consisted of how much everyone hated the song, and why anyone would want peanut butter on their underwear, or any of there clothes for that reason.

"We should steal that CD," Axel smirked.

"As if!" Xigbar said. "The office has like thousand of guards and stuff…"

"Come on we're in Organization XIII. We use the darkness portal, slip in, slip out, no one ever knows," Yuxki reassured.

"We've pulled bigger pranks then this," Axel said, smirking at the thought. "Besides Saix looks like he's gonna go berserk and Larxene is pissed they're more sadist than her, Mansex is emo 'cause of it…"

"We are not the ones that are making Mansex emo!" Yuxki yelled.

"How dare they take the emo privilege away!" Xigbar yelled.

"There's a Earth Club, though. I wanna go check it out." Yuxki said. "I'm thinking about joining. They meet at lunch. Wanna come?"

"Nah, I found this kid, Reno, he looks _just like me_."

"I found some friends… They're all 'emo'. Cloud, Zack and Riku. I think Zack is the only one who isn't emo. My English teacher is weird. I think he likes me. His name is Diz," Roxas explained.

Well I'm going to get going. Meet me back here! Then we can steal that CD," Yuxki said as the 'Peanut Butter song blared for the 30th time.

Roxas found his friends and saw that Cloud was dancing to the song.

"They say this is a good song to listen to because it's happy," Cloud said, sadly.

"No it's torture!" Roxas yelled. He summoned his Keyblade.

"That's cool sword," Zack smiled.

"I have one like it," Riku said. "But I can't cut myself with it."

"Hay you have the same type of key as- DOUGHNUTS!" A kid with spiky blond hair and blue eye ran up to Roxas. Actually he looked a lot like Roxas.

"You'll have to forgive Sora. He has ADD." Riku said.

"Yep I have ADD- I can add!" Sora yelled. "11+13, 2+2 FISH!"

"You know Mr. Xenmas?" Axel asked.

"Yeah I have him fourth hour." Reno answered.

"Well his name anagrams into 'Mansex'."

Reno laughed. "Nice."

"I have access to fireworks."

"Why do we need fireworks?"

"They're just fun to have around. I have fire powers so we could go set the principals office on fire."

"Why?"

"To keep this song from playing!"

"We could just steal the CD."

"Yeah, or we could burn it!"

"You just like to burn stuff don't you?"

"Yeah, Pretty much."

As soon as Yuxki stepped into the room she knew something was wrong. Everyone was staring off into deep space; well actually they were staring at an alien-like person in a tank.

"We will take the plant back! Mother's legacy will not be forgotten!"

Every shifted and stared at the new arrival.

"We have a visitor."

"Hay Mr. Sephiroth…" Yuxki said. There was an ugly man on a computer, typing away. His black greasy hair was in a ponytail. He turned to Yuxki. "We have to give her the injection," he said.

_Injection?_

"Would you like to join?" Sephiroth and Hojo were both smiling.

"N-No thank you," Yuxki stammered. She bolted out of the classroom as fast as she could. They were all insane! She met up with Axel, Xigbar and Reno in the middle of the commons.

"We're going to steal the CD." Axel said. Yuxki looked up the music was still playing. She didn't even realize it; she was so freaked out by Earth Club.

"So doodette. How was Earth Club?" Xigbar asked.

"They're crazy! All of them! They are beyond insane!" Yuxki exclaimed.

"Yep. Did get a good look at the alien in a tank?" Reno asked.

"The alien?" Yuxki thought for a minute. "Yes, I saw it."

"Well Hojo, is the mad scientist type. He will take the alien cells and inject them into you. The alien is called Jenova by the way. Sephiroth calls her his 'Mother'. We all know how true that is. Hojo is his real father." Reno explained.

"So he breed with _that_ alien thing?" Yuxki said, cringing.

"No. He was married to Lucercia and they had a child, Sephiroth. That club wants to plunge a meter into the earth. For Jenova. I have no idea why, but apparently when you first join they inject you with Jenova Cells. They're very addictive. You come back for more and that's how-" Reno was cut off by blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl with cat ears and a cat tail.

"_I_ broke the addiction no problem," she said.

"Amix. You told me you we're going to be in this fanfic." Reno sounded pissed.

"Screw that. 'Side I'm lookin' for Don. Ya seen him?" Amix asked.

"No, I haven't."

"M'key. Tell me if ya do!" She said as she ran off.

"How do you know all this?" Yuxki asked.

"It's part of Club Shinra's job to discover stuff like this. And stop it," Reno said.

"Club wars. Sounds fun," Axel smirked.

"Yes, well you have fireworks,' Reno said.

"You brought them to school?" Larxene asked.

"Yes?" Axel said, unsure if he really wanted to tell Larxene.

"Well, go blow up this CD! They make me look _nice_!" Larxene said before walking away.

Axel shrugged. "Want to?"

"Are you stupid?"

"Have you memorized it?" Axel smirked.

"We need a plan!" Xigbar blurted out.

"We go in, kick anyone's as$ who asks, steal the CD, and sell it back to a teacher," Yuxki said.

"Nice," Axel complimented.

"Good plan, doodette!" Xigbar said.

A/N: The thing is that this really happened to happened to me. They played the song over and over. Then some kid stole it. They got it back though; 


End file.
